


I know.

by Foggy_Dayyy



Series: Undertale drabbles [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Pacifist Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-09-01 07:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8614417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foggy_Dayyy/pseuds/Foggy_Dayyy
Summary: It's the way that insistent burning worms its way into your chest when you sit there, like Chara is reaching out to you. It's the way it becomes painfully obvious just how close your dead sibling is. You love it. You loathe it. 
Or
In which Asriel lives in the garden and talks to people (Frisk) sometimes.





	1. you don't deserve yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frisk told you they feel that too. You like to believe it's Chara trying to punish the two of you for your sins, but you know they wouldn't think anything of you dusting the underground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title taken from [you don't deserve yourself by AJJ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FruBx8C-pkc)
> 
> and I'm very sorry for this
> 
> EDIT: I UPLOADED THE WRONG FILE ITS FIXED NOW IM SO SORRY

The Ruins were always your favorite place to be. Something about the fall air and friendly atmosphere filled you with warmth, like you had found your home within the mountain's walls.

It's how close the surface is. So close you can taste it, so close you can smell it mingling with the scent of golden flowers.

It's the softness of those petals, something you're just now coming to relearn after what could've been years without it. And god, you can't believe it's real half the time.

It's the loosened soil above where Chara was buried that makes you feel so close to them. Like you could just brush the dirt away and see them looking up at you.

But mostly it's that burning that worms it's way into your chest when you sit there. You like to believe it's Chara trying to punish you for your sins.

(You know they would think nothing of you dusting the underground. And maybe that's why you want them back so badly.)

Frisk told you they feel that too. They like to sit in the garden with you. It's odd for the both of you, in all honestly.

Sometimes you wonder if Frisk existed before the underground or if they just came into being when they were needed, just for this quest. You wonder if Frisk is where all of Chara's good went when they died.

But it's pathetic to humor those sorts of thoughts. So you don't.

-

_"Frisk? What was your family like?"_

_'Don't remember,' they sign, shrugging. The movement made the collar of their oversized sweater slide down a shoulder._

_"Are humans nice?"_

_'Mostly.'_

_"Mostly?"_

_'There are good ones and there are bad ones, just like monsters.'_

_"That's funny, dad told me the exact same thing."_

_You swear you heard them bite back a giggle._

_"Chara hated people," you sighed, rubbing your hands together to calm your nerves._

_You pause for a moment to shift yourself closer to where Chara's body lies._

_"Um... Aren't you worried? About your parents, I mean."_

_Their face fell immediately. With a world of hesitation, they move to sign a response_

_'They won't miss me.'_

_You frown and scrunch your face in distaste._

_'Mom asks about it a lot. She thinks he's scared and desperate to find me, but...'_

_You wrap an arm around their tiny frame and offer them a sad smile._

_"They don't deserve you anyways."_

-

_"What's the surface like?"_

_"You ask me this all the time and I never answer. What makes you think I will now?"_

_"I like to think it's a paradise up there. I can't even imagine what it looks like," you ramble, effectively ignoring them._

_"It's not a paradise," they snap. "It's filled with rotten people who do rotten things. You have it so good here, don't think there's anywhere else better on this horrible planet. This is it. There's nothing else."_

_Their breathing is heavy, their face flushed, fists curled tight. You swallow down the knot in your throat._

_"Oh."_

-

_"Frisk?"_

_They tap your hand in a comforting gesture._

_"Do you think it's too late for me? Can I be a good person?"_

_Your chest burns. You can hear Chara's voice, see their lips form the syllables._ Crybaby _._

_"Because I don't think mom would love me if she knew what I did."_

_-_

You like to braid Frisk's hair. It's something you used to do with Chara, picking wildflowers as you worked down to lace into the braid. It was a nice routine the two of you practiced before bed each night.

Asgore let you braid his beard a few times, too. For some reason the flowers seemed to suit him.

You don't think Frisk really enjoys it like you do. But they tolerate it, because they're Frisk.

Sometimes you pretend they're Chara, like everything's okay. Like you never died, like they never died. Like you never killed your mother and your father.

Like before, when it was just you and then.

And you know it's horrible. You know it's something a decent person would never do. But you do it anyways, just so you can believe they're back. Just for a few, blissful minutes.

_"Chara?"_

_"Asriel?" they drawl back._

_"Can I braid your hair?"_

_They just blink for a moment, surprise comically displayed on their face. "I guess?"_

_You pull them downwards with you, brush in hand, until they plop down next to you._

_"Come closer," you hiss, tugging their shoulder back towards you._

_Turning back suddenly, expression tense and eyes blazing, they speak. "You're pushing it."_

_Your laughter is nothing but an attempt to relieve the tension. "Okie dokie," you breathe._

_You try to run your fingers through their hair but are stopped immediately by a tangle._

_"Oh my gosh, Chara."_

_"What?"_

_After retrieving the brush from the ground next to you, you move it to the crown of their head and place it delicately in their hair._

_"Ow!"_

_"I haven't even started brushing," you giggle, prompting a malicious stare._

_You bring the brush down, an indescribable noise filling the garden as you began untangling the knots. It was a slow a process, one that took way longer than it should've to complete. But when it was done Chara's happiness was practically tangible._

_"My hair never felt so soft before," they whisper, dumbstruck._

_"There was a stick in your hair."_

_"I just want to keep petting it."_

_The actual braiding didn't take long at all. Just five minutes compared to the twenty it took to brush. And you thought it looked pretty good on them._

_"Thanks, man. You're pretty good at this!"_

_You laugh, so carefree and loving, unaware of what awaits you in your future._

_"I know."_

_-_

_"Hey Frisk?"_

_'Yes?'_

_Your bitterness feels like a tumor, always growing and growing to do nothing but fester._

_"I miss my family."_

_'I know.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this'll have a few more chapters, but not a lot. five at most, three at least. 
> 
> I'm not really happy with this but 
> 
> thanks for reading


	2. weighted down with rocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chara always talked about people like it was them against the world. Chara always talked about people like there was the weak and the irredeemable. 
> 
> You wonder when you started shifting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from [human kittens by ajj](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XgKPEevTh1U)

Toriel comes to the ruins about once a month.

She used to go daily. Out of habit, mostly, still waiting for those fallen children. Still watching.

She used to go daily. Searching through the ruins for her own fallen children, as if the last few years of grief and heartache were nothing more than a dream for her to break out of. Like it's all finally over, and maybe, just maybe, she'll find you and Chara tossing leaves up into the air, laughing and talking like nothing was wrong.

(Even then, there was so much wrong.)

She used to go daily, shedding tears above Chara's grave, mourning as if the pain was still fresh. Mourning as if her children had died days ago rather than years.

There's something fundamentally wrong with seeing your mother cry. A mother doesn't cry in front of her children. A mother is meant to be a pillar of comfort and warmth. A mother is meant to be strong.

She doesn't know you're there, and she cries as if no one can hear her. You're positive it's for the best.

(It's not. If you really cared about that you'd tell her.)

Your mother deserves to know about you. You know how happy she'd be if she knew, you know she'd forgive you in heartbeat. You know she'd wrap you up and cry for an entirely different reason, and that's the kicker, really.

Your mother deserves to know about you, has earned it ten times over. But you don't.

If there's one thing Chara has taught you it's that not everyone deserves mercy.

-

_"How can you be so naive. It's a little funny, actually." They laughed a pathetic, bitter little chortle._

_"W-what's wrong with thinking that!" you squeaked._

_"Mercy is a second chance, Asriel, and not everyone deserves that."_

_"Sure they do! Everyone does!" It was a weak attempt to protect your ideals, but Chara saw a chance to poke through them and as always, they were quick to jump._

_"Murderers don't deserve a second chance. Rapists don't deserve a second chance. Once you've ruined someone's life like that, once you've ruined someone else's chance, you lose your right to another."_

_"Ch-Char-"_

_"It's stupid to think someone like that deserves mercy," they spat._

-

Chara always talked about others like it was the world against them. There were innocent people, and the irredeemable. The killed and the killers.

Chara always talked about themself like they were a killer. They rejected their own weakness, fought against their vulnerabilities. They gnashed, and struggled, and pulled. Because to them, the worst thing you could be was weak. To them, if you weren't killing, you were killed. To them, if you weren't on their side, you were an enemy. You were either weak or undeserving of mercy. And there's no in between to them.

You wonder what kinda of place they grew up in to feel like that. You wonder if they spent their childhood alone out on the streets, where it really was them against the world.

You wonder when you started shifting from innocent to irredeemable, and you wonder if Chara would still love you with your changes.

Probably not.

-

_"Hey Chara?"_

_"Hmm?"_

_"Would you still love me if I was 5,000 feet tall like dad?"_

_"Of course, you big dummy. Would you still love me?"_

_"Y-yeah! I'll always love you! No matter what!"_

_"Then I'll always love you."_

Yeah, what a joke.

-

'I don't know why you have to be so cynical, Asriel.'

Frisk is giving you a sour look, lips pressed together in a frown.

"Chara was pretty cynical too," you sigh, just a quiet statement not meant to be heard.

'Learned from the master.'

You let out a snort at that. "Yeah, I really did."

They smile back at you.

"Frisk?"

'Yes?'

"I don't want to be like Chara," you admit, "but I am."

They hesitate for a moment. 'Do you love Chara?' they sign, calm as ever.

A sob escapes you, and god, you haven't cried in years. "I don't know, Frisk."

-

_"Chara?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"What's so bad about being weak?"_

_"Nothing, really," they sigh, so horribly weary and broken. "I don't really know, Asriel."_

-

Toriel used to visit the ruins daily, but now only visits once a month.

She'll move on, eventually. Her trips will get more and more rare until they've dwindled into nothing. She'll find happiness in the surface. She'll find happiness in Frisk.

You'll wait in the ruins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while! I've officially been on ao3 for a year, isn't that wild?
> 
> I don't think I'm gonna do anymore Undertale things, but hey, who knows. I'll be editing some finished drabbles I've had for a while and sticking em in a series. 
> 
> I do have a few mp100 and ososan fics in the works. I don't know when I'll finish but. it's a Thing. 
> 
> [writing blog](http://constantine-blogs.tumblr.com)
> 
> [fandom blog](http://hpd-karamatsu.tumblr.com)
> 
> [The awful meme blog. if u wanna send an ask r smthn here's the place!](http://foggy-dayyy.tumblr.com)


End file.
